funny quotes

• Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. -George Carlin
• My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. -Tim Allen
• There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers. -Robert Orben
• Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded. -Yogi Berra
• Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it. - David Lee Roth
• We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect. -Alanis Morissette